Updated: Jul 31, 2019
A Temporary Irrational Emotion Can Cause You to Make A Permanent Mistake
Sometimes we can do really stupid things in public which we can greatly regret. Oh yes, I’ve got just a few of these…more like a few dozen. OUCH!
I’ll never forget playing in a basketball game my senior year of high school. We were playing a team which had beaten us 6 games in a row. This equated to 3 years in a row of getting beat by this team. Finally, we had a chance to win the game and break the losing streak! With 21 seconds remaining in the game, we were ahead by 3 points. I stole the ball at half court and was on my way for a break away dunk. Slam! As I dunked the ball as hard as I could, I remember thinking, “Slam-dunk the ball and then laugh at them! Hang on the rim a bit after you slam the ball through the hoop.” Next thing I knew I heard the deafening sound of the referee’s whistle screaming in my ear and with both of his hands he made a “T” for technical. OMG! I just got “Teed-up”! Whatever I thought. No worries, we were now ahead by 5 points with 16 seconds remaining in the game. Holy Roman Empire Batman…was I ever wrong! The referee disallowed my 2-point dunk. Seriously?! To this day, it’s still a mystery why he disallowed the 2 points but who cares, that was 40 years ago and I've moved on. Yeah right...LOL! I’m certainly no math guy but we were ahead by 3 points with 16 seconds to go in the game and back in 1980, there was no 3-point line in high school. I'm thinking, "We got this". Not so fast. Due to the technical, the other team got to shoot one free throw. Ugh…they made it. Now we were ahead by only 2 points with 16 seconds remaining in the game and due to the technical (which I caused) they got the ball. Did I mention they had 16 seconds left to tie or even win the game? Well, in my blog post “Time to Kick Murphy’s Butt”, I talk about how unpredictable Murphy’s Law can be. At this particular stage in my life I was living up to my eyeballs in Murphy’s Law.
With 16 seconds remaining they brought the ball in bounds and drove hard to the basket and tossed up a crazy shot that…you guessed it, went through the hoop. Tie game! Their crowd went crazy, Murphy as in Murphy’s Law was laughing hysterically and I was looking for a place to crawl into and hide. With 7 seconds left on the play clock I kept my emotions under control (I did nothing stupid, hum a bit unusual...😊) and was used as a decoy for the final shot. I faked the shot and threw the ball to a teammate who made the game winning basket! We won 71-69…whew! Lesson learned trust me!! Oh, and I'm forever grateful to Coach Danks for not shipping me off to some distant galaxy to slowly dissolve in space.
Ok, let’s take a timeout from basketball and talk about E.I. This happens to be Emotional Intelligence. E.I. is defined as being able to:
· Recognize, understand and manage our own emotions
· Recognize, understand and influence the emotions of others
E.I. is hugely important in your life. E.I. is a gigantic People Skill. Being able to keep calm and even help calm others is pretty much like a superpower. Yeah! Bring it Captain America!
For example, if you drive, how much do you enjoy the person who extremely tailgates you? At times, I’ve considered carrying an RPG (rocket propelled grenade) in my Jeep Wrangler for just such occasions. However, prison is just not an option of mine and I'm pretty much way too old to join the armed forces.
E.I. is the ability to: In practical terms, this means being aware that emotions can drive our behavior and impact people (positively and negatively), and learning how to manage those emotions–both our own and others – especially when we are under pressure. -Daniel Goleman
Take a second and think about a time when you kind of just blew-up. How’d that go for you? I’m guessing not so good. Well, if it’s any consolation, I can so relate. I’m going to go as far as saying that most emotional outburst have not really benefited me or even added value to my life.
Here are a few things I need to manage in my E.I.
· Giving and receiving feedback
· Meeting tight deadlines
· Dealing with challenging relationships
· Dealing with change
· Dealing with setbacks and failure
So, what are a few things we can do to kind of have much better results in the area of Emotional Intelligence?
3 Things Emotionally Intelligent People Never Do
According to Marc And Angel Hack Life, Emotionally Intelligent people do a lot of things. They spend time expressing gratitude, cultivating optimism, practicing kindness, nurturing loving relationships, committing to meaningful goals, savoring life’s little pleasures,
But they NEVER…
1. Mind other people’s business
Forget about what others are doing. Stop looking at where they are and what they have. Nobody is doing better than you because nobody can do better than you. YOU are walking your own path. Sometimes the reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes circumstances with everyone else’s public highlight reel. We listen to the noise of the world, instead of ourselves. Stop the comparisons! Listen to your own inner voice. Mind your own business.
2. Hold on to resentment
Let today be the day you stop being haunted by the ghosts from your past. What happened in the past is just one chapter in your story; don’t close the book, just turn the page.
Now I’ll be 1003% honest with you. Not holding on to resentment is very challenging for me. All I can say is resentment is like having the flu. It pretty much sucks and does me NO good. We’ve all been hurt by our own decisions and by others, and while the pain of these experiences is normal, sometimes it lingers for too long. Feelings of resentment urge us to relive the same pain over and over, and we have a hard time letting go.
Forgiveness is the remedy. It allows you to focus on the future without combating the past. To understand the infinite potential of everything going forward is to forgive everything already behind you. Without forgiveness, wounds can never be healed, and personal growth can never be achieved.
3. Rely on other people for your happiness
Unhappiness lies in that gap between what we have now and what we think we need. The truth is, we don’t need to acquire anything more to be content with what we already have. We don’t need anyone else’s permission to be happy. Your life is magnificent not because someone says it is, or because you have acquired something new, but because you choose to see it as such. Don’t let your happiness be held hostage. It is always yours to choose, to live and experience.
Don’t forget, after my father was murdered (See blog, A New Day. A New Hope. I’ll Make It.), my mother became an alcoholic and substance abuser. Then, we were homeless for 10 days and then I was off to being raised in a very financially challenged family. The crazy thing is several years before my mother and stepfather passed, they both complimented me on how positive and grateful my attitude was as a child and a teenager growing up in a challenging environment.
What would you add to the list? What’s something you should NOT do if you want to have good Emotional Intelligence? Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
I’ll try to not get “Teed-up” by the ref and let’s all chip away and grow in Emotional Intelligence. 😊